I’ll be honest, after I posted my “I Love to People Watch” post, I said to myself, this is feeling a little “woe is me-ish...” mixed with a little co-dependency.
Yes, community is important.. Yes, it’s sometimes helpful to have people affirm your struggles, especially when you’re like me and think that dysfunctional shit is normal... It’s ok to not be ok..I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be here without leaning on my family, friends and therapist, but also... that shit can become unhealthy.. cause what happens when everybody’s busy with their own shit and can’t pick up the phone? How are we gonna handle that? Cause right now, the only person that I want to talk to is inaccessible right now and I’m having a hard ass time, but it’s also pushing me to deal with shit like an adult and calm all the dramatics down and fucking breathe without somebody holding my hand..
There’s a difference between leaning on your community, family or partner to hold you down with love and advice and desperately seeking co-signers to keep you from facing and processing your shit.
Co-dependency is nothing more than a dark hole, with us standing at the bottom, waiting for people’s crumbs of affirmations to keep us from internally starving.. it can easily be undetectable... so what are the signs?? “Hey Google, what are the signs of a co-dependent relationship?”
As usual, Google came through and I found an Everyday Health article that also came through with a solid list:
Here’s what I have learned in my short ass 25 years of life..reposting quotes about healing is not gonna heal you.. writing blog posts about healing is not gonna heal you.. pouring your soul into others is not gonna heal you.. serving in a church is not gonna heal you..money may lift the load (let’s be real lol) but it is not gonna heal you.. choosing not to trust people is not gonna heal you.. fancy ass shit is not gonna heal you.. likes on social media is not gonna heal you... a degree is not gonna heal you.. another person cannot heal you.. they can walk with you, but ultimately you’re responsible for your shit and it’s not fair to anybody to invite them to bask in your unhealthy shit with you..
One of my sisters checked me yesterday after she read my last post and said, “Taylor, you’re a really good bullshitter because you say things that you don’t embrace for yourself.” That is what holding a friend accountable looks like...calling me out on my shit in a loving way. Call your friends out on their unhealthy shit.. That is what pushing a friend towards healing looks like. That is what a healthy relationship looks like.. Yes, life is hard and peeling back the layers of it may be extremely difficult, especially if you’re currently dealing with some inconvenient, hard shit. I’m for damn sure am not gonna sit here and act like I’m living like Ghandi and that my life is perfect, but I’m not gonna sit here and erase how much I’ve healed from and how far I’ve come... and I have a long way to go and grow.. but I’m also not about to play paddy cake with unhealthy, negative ass shit and people and diminish my growth.. and you shouldn’t either.. that’s also some co-dependent shit..
It’s time fucking out.. No more sulking in shit, no more toxic relationships, no more blaming, no more embracing dysfunction, no more talking about healing but not putting in effort to do that shit.. Clean your damn house.. go for a walk.. talk to God.. scream.. turn the TV off.. go to the gym.. eat better.. put your phone down.. put the bottle down.. put the drugs down.. get help if you need to.. grieve loss (don’t block that shit.. give yourself permission).. write.. look in the damn mirror and pour into yourself.. appreciate the good around you.. change what you can control.. y’all are probably like gurrrlll, shut the fuck up lol but I’m passionate about this healing thing.. my bad.. and imma keep going.. be confident in what you produce (I stay down playing my writing—time out for that shit).. stop depending on people to save you from your shit and hold your damn hand.. and if you’re already on an intentional healing journey, please share tips and coping skills that help you.. I’m going to post a list soon.. as in next week.. so please share!!
We are all dope as hell and deserve all things good.. deserve to walk lighter.. but it starts and ends from within.. and sometimes it takes being alone.. don’t be afraid to be alone.. but you gotta start somewhere.. unclog the shit.. it’s not helping you or those around you... and it certainly isn’t going to magically disappear... Now I need to see what’s good with this insomnia lol. It’s now 6:42 am... Alright, peace.